Still Debriefing...

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about living in community. When I was in YWAM last year, this was something that left a huge impression on me. I remember arriving to the house the first day and being unsure how that part of the experience would go. Since I was 2 or 3 I’ve always had my own room, and often my own bathroom. I’m an introvert- and feel drained quickly without alone time. When I walked into the girls’ room in Costa Rica and saw 8 beds, one closet, and hardly any floor space, I think part of me kind of freaked out. I mean, really? Could I do this? Share a room with all these girls and share one bathroom with 13 girls? Turns out I could. I actually loved it. And while yes, there were definitely times where I wanted to crawl in the corner and shut everyone else out, living like that was one of the best things I’ve ever done. (And when I did want to crawl in the corner, I would settle for crawling onto my bunk, closing my eyes, and turning up my Ipod…just as good.) We had our moments of bickering, eye rolling, and differences of opinion. And we also had room meetings and confrontations because there, you couldn’t just walk away and ignore a problem. But what I remember even more were the loud and chatty family meals every morning, noon, and night. I remember sitting out on the patio with our computers and talking and laughing between the Skype or Facebook conversations with people back home. I remember walking out back in the morning and seeing a few of my friends reading in hammocks, sipping coffee. I remember dodging kids as they would breathlessly run from the front door through the kitchen into the backyard, giggling. I remember staying up late to sing with a few people playing guitar on the benches in the dining room- not for practice or a performance, just because we wanted to and we could. Because we were all together. My favorite memories are not usually the planned events, or the scheduled meeting times. They are the moments where someone walked in the room and plopped down next to you on the couch and struck up a conversation. Or you are bored for a quick second and realize there are about 20 people within the house that you could hang with. Constant, tangible support. Whether you’re having a rough day, a great day, or just a regular ole’ day- that’s what family is, what community means- being there, together for it all.

Why is this hard to do here, back in California? We all want our own rooms, our own bathrooms, our own privacy and division that separates us from this very community I speak of. This mindset I’ve had all my life is really being challenged as I feel a hole in my heart from the lack of this type of community. I’ve been struggling with this question of how to live in community here, and I realize it’s mostly up to me. Yes, it’d be easier to live in a house with 10 or 20 people, and I am seriously considering doing something like this in the near future. But before I take that step, I think I need to seriously look at my present relationships. Am I all in? Am I consistently there? When people in my life need me, do I even hesitate? Because that’s what it comes down to, is selflessness. Commitment. Sacrifice. Christ models this type of living for us. And until we can devote ourselves to our community of friends and loved ones fully, until we can be consistent and persistent with our relationships-our lives will continue to be selfishly lived out. And we were created for so much more than such a narrow existence.